I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize