yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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