buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
