careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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