cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
