The police scanner is talking about you again....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can I color on your dick again?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
