I will die if light touches me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
