I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize