I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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