Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
