ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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