I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
