She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
