Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
