And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
