i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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