You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
