were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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