covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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