Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
