Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize