I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come share oat with me in your robe
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
