i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
