I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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