So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize