a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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