Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am available for nakedness
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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