i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
