i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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