Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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