Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
