You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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