I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
