Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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