see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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