I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
