i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
