You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
