it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
