So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
