I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
