I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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