people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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