Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
