I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
