...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
