On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
