So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
