Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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