he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
