Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
