I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
