On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
