Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize