she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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