when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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