So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize