Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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