Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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