READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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