I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
