i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
