Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
