Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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