After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
