he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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