my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
