I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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