Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
