You can't motorboat a personality
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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