break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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