you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
