Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize